SPENCER: Why it’s important to make others feel important
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It is a part of who we are – this need to feel like we are important to the people in our lives.
It’s ingrained into our very essence and makes us feel like we have a purpose in this world. It makes us feel like we are here for a reason and makes us feel special.
Maybe it’s a result of deep-rooted cognitive behaviours from our early childhood and upbringing. We feel more worthy when we are important to someone else, especially if that person is important to us.
This past weekend, my partner took his daughter on a Princess and Daddy date. They had bought tickets in 2020 for the local Princess Ball, but it was cancelled due to pandemic, obviously. She hasn’t stopped talking about this, but she has grown two years since then. So a new princess gown was purchased, suit and tie donned and a fancy dinner out was in order. My step-daughter’s excitement was palpable. She felt like a million dollars and as she walked through the restaurant and received accolades from every single woman she walked by, she felt important. And while her dad did this for her and them, he also felt very good, as a couple of fathers commented what an amazing father he for making such a beautiful memory with his daughter.
One of the best things we can do with the relationships in our lives is make sure the people in our lives are know they are important to us. This satisfies the deepest subconscious cravings of human nature. Likewise, when we don’t do this or the contrary of making people feel not important, it is felt like a ripple through our being.
In fact, helping others feel good and important is scientifically proven to help you feel happier and healthier.
Ever felt a sort of “rush” after performing a good deed? That sensation is known as ‘helper’s high’ and is produced when your brain releases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals of the brain. When you do something good for someone else, your brain’s pleasure centres light up, releasing endorphin and producing this high. Not to mention, doing good can generate feelings of satisfaction and gratitude.
Of course, we all want to feel worthy and important despite outside influences, but it also is a win-win feel good to make sure the special people in our lives know they are important to us.
Here are a few mindful tips to help the people in your life feel important if you don’t want to dress them up in a princess dress.
Listen up! Give people your attention. Listen and really hear what they are communicating to you. Reiterate back to them if appropriate. Even if you don’t agree with what they are saying, validating and hearing is important. Make eye contact, close your mouth, and focus on the words they are saying, not on what you want to say the moment they stop talking. Take the time to really listen to them.
Admiration and appreciation: When we share with others what we admire and appreciate about them, it sends a strong message that we value who they are and the choices they are making. Feelings of appreciation have been proven to improve both the health of the giver and the receiver.
Make time for time for them. Saying “I love you” and “you are important to me” surely feels good, but if you never offer any quality time with people, it feels like the Cat’s in the Cradle song. As the lyrics say “the cat’s in the cradle” – the family is at home – “and the silver spoon” which is a symbol of wealth the father has to earn. The “little boy blue” is the child that is sad because his father is away, while the father is represented by “the man on the moon” – the one far away who is unreachable. If people are important to you, make time for them, be reachable, accessible and walk the talk by spending quality time with those that you value.
On that note, thank you all for reading this column. It certainly feels wonderful when I get emails or you approach me and tell me you enjoy reading the Happy, Healthy YOU column. I value you and I am grateful.
If you have a topic you would like mindfully discussed, please email kelly@indigolounge.ca.
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