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Actor, LGBTQ+ advocate Tommy Dorfman sounds off on self-love

Actor, writer and advocate stars in new Self Love Uprising and Pride 2021 campaigns for The Body Shop.

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Tommy Dorfman lets out a small, uncomfortable laugh upon hearing the word “brave”.

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“I’ve been called that word many times,” Dorfman says. “We never see ourselves the way other people see us. And, for me, it’s survival. So, if my survival looks like bravery to you, so be it. I don’t necessarily claim that as part of my own identity.”

Instead, the American writer, photographer and actor — Dorfman starred as Ryan Shaver in the smash hit Netflix series 13 Reasons Why — uses a few other words as preferred personal descriptors.

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“I think that I can be really compassionate, outspoke, driven, tactile, hardworking,” Dorfman lists. “I can also be incredibly lazy and procrastinate. And be emotionally unavailable, at times.”

Speaking from Mexico City where Dorfman recently wrapped filming of an as-yet unannounced limited series, they explained that, while the term “brave” may prompt feelings of discomfort personally, they will willingly embrace it if it helps others who are struggling.

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“If the tagline is bravery and that’s what helps some kids get up in the morning when they see me and feel like they can put on what they want to put on and they feel embodied, or they feel empowered to live their authentic lives in an authentic way in circumstances that are far scarier and more intimating than my life today — then I’m happy to wear that crown, so to speak,” Dorfman says. “If it means that I’m impacting even one person’s life.”

In addition to Dorfman’s entertainment industry work, the creative has built an ever-growing online presence boasting a following of more than 1.2 million people on Instagram alone. This role sees Dorfman positioned as a vocal advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.

“On one hand, it can feel like a lot of pressure. On the other hand, I remind myself that everything I know I learned from somebody else,” Dorfman says. “So, if I can be a vessel of information of some of the information that’s come through me and pass that one to people in my life, whether it’s on a larger scale or a smaller scale, that feels like my responsibility.”

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Admittedly, the influence has come with added responsibility, as the number of people listening to Dorfman’s opinion — whether in agreement or opposition — has grown.

“Everything happened very quickly for me — the sort of Netflix effect. And it felt very not earned at the time,” Dorfman says. “I definitely felt a responsibility in the beginning, especially because of what was happening politically in our country. To use that as a sort of soapbox.

“As human beings, I think we need to create characters for everyone in our lives. We need to say, ‘That person does this, this and this.’ In my experience, that was kind of done for me, in the span of like two weeks. Before I even knew it, I was that thing. Without even having autonomy or making the decision to become that thing.”

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More recently, Dorfman says they are figuring out a better balance about when to sound off — and when to stay quiet.

“What’s nice is that I now know I have autonomy over how much I choose to be vocal about things,” Dorfman says. “Sometimes just existing is enough. With everything else going on in the world, I’m letting myself just exist more. And not always be so preachy, which has been quite liberating, honestly.”

Dorfman’s visibility and platform has further increased during a year that has seen them star in the Self Love Uprising and Pride 2021 campaigns for The Body Shop.

The 12-month partnership focusses on “positive messaging” and sees Dorfman’s image plastered throughout the body-care brand’s stores.

“You can’t discount the impact that just seeing a body like mine, a trans body, displayed in windows in malls of every town across (North) America,” Dorfman says. “The types of conversations that can happen, in a really organic way, throughout the year, is really impactful.

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“It’s an opportunity for me to have discourse with very real people — real as me, real as you — living in much different circumstances. And that has made me a much more empathetic person. And it’s a reminder, when I have my bad days, why I need to get up in the morning and continue to do what I do. Even if it feels trite at times.”

As the campaign name suggests, it focusses on the importance of self-love.

“Self-love to me is self service,” Dorfman says. “It’s making the bed in the morning. It’s as simple as that sometimes. It varies from spiritual mantra work to forgiving myself for past mistakes. To letting go of control. Doing things — being of service has, in some ways, filled my own well of self-love.”

The campaign, Dorfman says, came at “a really good time” for them, personally.

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“It came at a time when I was really, authentically feeling this way,” Dorfman says. “I think as my world has gotten larger, my need and capacity for self-love had to match that …

“I need a lot more self-love to survive some of my circumstances today, when there are more voices coming at me. And more discourse around things that are incredibly personal to me at times.”

While Dorfman is proud to be a spokesperson for the self-love campaign, they admit their personal journey with fully loving themself is an ongoing endeavour.

“I think it’s a lot of pressure for you to love you,” Dorfman says. “It’s very, ‘beat yourself with a feather and not a stick.’

“Figuring out what the tools are for you, because it’s different for everybody, to bring in and foster as much self-love as possible. That’s the goal.”

Dorfman suggests “baby steps” and being open to trying new things as two helpful resources on the self-love journey.

“Ask people in your community, whatever that means to you, what they do. And try those things if you’re struggling with ideas of how to practice self-love,” Dorfman says. “Start having that discourse on a more grassroots level. Asking for help is probably one of my biggest tenets of self-love.

“That, and phoning a friend.”

Aharris@postmedia.com 

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