Happy Healthy YOU
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Kelly Spencer - Happy Healthy YOU
(A wellness column by Kelly Spencer: writer, life coach, yoga & meditation teacher, holistic healer and a mindful life enthusiast!)
Last weekend, the sun was out, the temperature was comfortable and I was beginning some spring cleanup around our yard.
The Hostas and Lily of the Valleys were peaking their heads out, with the warmer weather upon us. I couldn’t help but notice as I trimmed and pruned the wild Forsythia shrubs, now eight feet tall, how our yard’s landscaping has filled in.
Having lived in my home now since my kids were babies, I have spent the better part of two decades transplanting ferns and Lily of the Valleys, dividing Hostas and developing the landscape. We have a Lilac tree which started as a seedling, now is blooming at 15 feet tall.
When I approached my vegetable garden to pull out some weeds and redefine the garden soil boundaries that were spilling out onto the grass, I was met with a wonderful surprise. Three or four years ago I had planted asparagus. At harvest time that year, I was quite frustrated as I didn’t know that it took a few years to actual produce. Thrilled, I witnessed five asparagus spears standing tall and ready to be devoured.
I couldn’t help but parallel the patience that had been required with landscaping and gardening, to my life. We plant seeds, weed out what is not working, give energy to what is working and what we want to grow, redefine boundaries and be patient.
Easier said than done, right?
In a world where you can order food in a drive through and receive the order within a minute, we are used to quick and fast and now. I could have totally paid someone to come in and landscape my property in day or two, but the price you pay isn’t the landscaping fee, it’s the void in the experience of cultivating patience and harvesting the fruits of your own labor.
So what is the purpose of cultivating patience?
In a word? Contentment. There is gift of emotion that cannot be acquired by means other than the living the process. We can all work to develop more patience. An important idea here is that developing patience is just that. Developing a skill. It is during the process of cultivating this practice that we learn to pay attention to how we are feeling, where we can judge and criticize less and how we can be kinder to ourselves for not being “perfect.”
Contrary to patience is impatience, irritation, judgement and criticisms of what is, as is. When we are in this place, our thoughts and feelings come from a lower energy space. Remembering that our thoughts, feelings and energy expands from the place we are standing and we get to choose, can empower us.
“Patience is not the ability to wait but how you act while you're waiting.” - Joyce Meyer.
Dr. Jane Bolton, Psychotherapist and Master Life Coach, explains that we have an urge to protect ourselves and what we deem valuable which is absolutely addictive. Dr. Bolton suggests we upgrade our attitude towards discomfort.
“So many of us have the belief that being 'comfortable' is the only state we will tolerate. I remember a friend, about 25 years ago, who was in the process of changing a destructive habit. He had learned to say to himself, 'This is merely uncomfortable, not intolerable.' It helped him enormously to break his habit, and helped me begin to look at my own avoidance patterns.”
During the waiting game of cultivating patience, there is the element of trust that also must be nurtured. How did I know the asparagus would actually come up three years after planting? I didn’t. But I believed the crop would grow and ultimately produce. That belief and trust was enough for me to continue to care for the land that they were planted in and weed and water with hope and patience for the eventual harvest.
Heart-centred decision making can never really flow from pressurized over analytical feelings, self-imposed or otherwise. Our personal growth and best judgement flourishes when we are relaxed and reflective, cultivating patience and trust with inner wisdom with how we are feeling with what is, as is. It is often in the void that we learn and grow and understand ourselves more deeply.
“Do you have the patience to wait until the mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? “ - Lao Tzu.
About 15 years ago, while going through one of the most emotionally challenging times of my life I was seeing a therapist regularly. I told the Social Worker that I was didn’t want to feel the difficult and intensely painful feelings that I was experiencing anymore. I told her instead I just wanted to feel happy and content. She compassionately smiled at me and said “would it not be a little odd if while you were navigating through this terribly time that you felt happy?” She told me to be patient, to do the work, learn the tools, and I would eventually get to where I wanted to be. What a valuable lesson that session was!
Waiting does not mean doing nothing, it means reflecting, relaxing and seeing what develops. It requires awareness of inner dialogue, self-talk and where and what we are putting our energy into. It means putting trust into your heart-centered desires.
When we can cultivate a garden of patience, we reduce our stress levels which alone can stop a cycle of lower energy. Stress can enhance irritation, doubt and critical non-productive thinking. With patience we can expand our compassion, empathy and understanding of ourselves, others and life in general.
"Rome wasn't built in a day."
Whatever your personal goals are, let the dominating force that supports the process toward the goals, be heart-centered trust and patience while you continue to expand the energy that enhances the outcome. Developing the practice of patience takes time, but in the process it leaves us happier and healthier in our garden of life.
(If you would like to see an article on a specific topic, please email kelly@indigolounge.ca)