Detoxify your home & relationships
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Detoxify your life, Part 4: Relationships
Kelly Spencer - Happy Healthy YOU
(A wellness column by Kelly Spencer: writer, life coach, yoga & meditation teacher, holistic healer and a mindful life enthusiast!)
Relationships are everywhere. Healthy relationships help to mirror, balance and support us and our needs. Unfortunately not all relationships are healthy and it’s a jagged pill to swallow that these toxic associations may also be a mirror to where the healing and detoxing needs to happen within ourselves.
How do you know if it’s a toxic relationship? If toxicity is a state to which you’re health and balance is compromised and poisoned, then a toxic relationship could be described as a relationship where you ALLOW yourself to be pulled away from your healthy, balanced and authentic self by giving your power away. Often this leaves us feeling drained, frazzled and if ongoing, snuffed-out.
Actively participating in relationships that are toxic is like having a diet stapled on daily fast-food binging. In fact, the quality of these Mc-Relationships on a daily basis is unhealthier that we realize. Allowed, ongoing debilitating relationships are internalized and transmuted into energy that shows up in our own health. Stress, anxiety, depression and insomnia are not uncommon.
An article published by Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter in Psychology Today informs us that study with “10,000 subjects for an average of 12.2 years discovered that subjects in negative relationships were at a greater risk for developing heart problems, including a fatal cardiac event.“
Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life, suggests that our physical ailments are stored energy precipitated by a thought process and emotion. Therefore when we are in unhealthy and toxic relationships, for example a relationship that is confusing, fearful and difficult to digest, we may experience abdominal and stomach pain. Or if you are in a job that is toxic, varicose veins suggest standing in a situation you hate and feeling over worked and over burdened.
As you review my short list of types of relationships and you find some relatable, I invite you to inquire with non-judgment and love… Why is it relatable? What is it mirroring? What needs to change within you?
Jerry Maguire relationships: “You complete me.” Whether it’s a friend or partner, a relationship that is built on the idea that they will take away your problems and elevate you to a state of wholeness and completeness is seriously flawed. These relationships as romantic as portrayed, set us up for failure by looking outward to another person for our happiness, contentment and wholeness. Not only is it unrealistic, it is unfair and ends up eroding in the long run. We must accept our own completeness with self-love, as a priority.
Wounded Bird Syndrome: “I will complete you.” A relationship of codependency, where your actions and thoughts revolve around another person and completely disregard your own needs, is very toxic. Codependency can stem from pity for their pain, usually mirroring our own unresolved and unhealed pain. These martyrdom relationships are self-abusive as we don’t take care of ourselves. They can lead to resentment, anxiety, exhaustion and ailment. Allow each person in the relationship to be responsible for their thoughts, actions and ultimate consequences.
Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me. While I don’t advocate shaming yourself, relationships where we allow ourselves to participate in ongoing hurt are mirrors to something deeper within ourselves. Of course our feelings will get hurt from time to time in any relationship but actively allowing and partaking in continued derogatory, demeaning and demoralizing attributes is a very damaging and toxic wasteland. Remember, the best indicator for future behavior is past behavior. It’s time to ask some hard questions and get some healthy guidance.
F.O.G. (Fear. Obligation. Guilt. ) When we act and react in relationships from a place of fear, obligation or guilt we are adding doses of toxicity to our relationship and lives. The physical and emotional bodies have very strong reactions to these emotions. When we are choosing, responding, participating and staying in relationships of F.O.G., we are off balance and out of alignment from our authentic selves. To see clearly, go inward and respond from your heart.
The See-Saw-Bully: Imbalanced relationships: When one person is giving, giving and giving and the other person is taking, taking and taking it leaves us feeling very imbalanced. Whether we are on either end of the inequality, the disproportion leaves us feeling much like being stuck at the top of the see-saw by the bully that is sitting at the other end. When we can find balance of giving and receiving in a relationship symmetrically, we find more alignment and harmony in our lives.
Amusement Park Relationships: They’re exciting and adventurous when they start. Then after some ongoing dramatic and extreme dips, dives and turns you feel like you are on a never ending roller coaster. After awhile these toxic relationships leave us feeling dizzy and nauseated. All relationships have dips and dives, but if they are ongoing and extreme, you may want to examine the drama and get off that ride to find a subtlety and proportion.
Stagnant Water: These relationships stay still. No room for growth. No room for change. There is a focus on the past, blaming, victimizing and no expansion. They leave us feeling stifled and murky like a stagnant water pond. And like a stagnant pond, it will grow toxic and foster dis-ease. We are here to grow, to learn and to expand!
Relationships surround us: Romantic, professional, friendships and family. Perhaps the most important, is our relationship with our selves and who we surround ourselves with. We have a choice what we participate in. Maybe that means not engaging in a toxic conversation, or not acting out of guilt or perhaps we distance ourselves. The relationships that allow us to expand and shine and be our true and authentic selves are the ones that we want to nurture and embrace.
(If you would like to see an article on a specific topic, please email kelly@indigolounge.ca)
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Part 5: Detoxify your Home
Kelly Spencer - Happy Healthy YOU
(A wellness column by Kelly Spencer: writer, life coach, yoga & meditation teacher, holistic healer and a mindful life enthusiast!)
In 2009, the Environmental Working Group's study (published with Environment & Energy Publishing) commissioned five laboratories to examine the umbilical cord blood of 10 babies and found more than 200 chemicals in each newborn. Two hundred chemicals in a child just coming in to our world!
A similar Canadian study conducted in 2013 by Environmental Defense showed Canadian children are being born pre-polluted. Of the 137 chemicals found in total, 132 are reported to cause cancer in humans or animals, 110 are considered toxic to the brain and nervous system and 133 cause developmental and reproductive problems in mammals.
In history (and still today in some areas of the world), bacteria and viruses can easily and rapidly cause epidemics. I am sure that when scientists devised chemicals for cleaning our homes and bodies, the best intentions were laid. However, we are now paying the price of the long term effects of these inventions.
Andrew Nisker (Director/Producer/Writer) of the documentary, Chemerical explores the life cycle of everyday household cleaners and hygiene products to prove that, "thanks to our clean obsession, we are drowning in a sea of toxicity.”
The film follows a family trying to turn a new leaf by creating and living in a toxic free home, and informative, while working with many experts to give audiences the tools and inspiration to live toxic free.
Huffington Post article published by Dr. Frank Lipman states common household and body-care products are increasingly being found to have negative health effects on the nervous and immune systems, on our reproductive systems and on our endocrine, cardiovascular and respiratory systems.
“The average home contains 500-1,000 chemicals, many of which we are unable to see, smell or taste,” suggest Dr. Lipman. This list is not limited to our indoor products but also includes products being used on our furry household friends, and our yards. “Most tick and flea products contain active ingredients and solvents that might cause cancer in animals.” As well as the “pesticides we use on our gardens and lawns eliminate not only plant pests but also most of the insects that are beneficial to help control these pests. Of the 30 most commonly used lawn chemicals, 19 have studies pointing toward cancer and 15 are known to cause nervous system poisoning.”
So what can we do to detoxify our home?
1. Reduce plastic use: Avoid plastic by storing your food in glass or ceramic containers, seeking out cardboard to-go packaging, rinsing all canned food thoroughly, and switching to stainless steel drinking bottles and non-plastic microwaveable containers. NEVER microwave food in plastic. Most plastics leach potential carcinogens and other dangerous chemicals that can screw up your endocrine system.
2. Avoid bleached products: The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) found that chlorine byproducts (known as dioxins) are 300,000 more times as carcinogenic as the scary chemical pesticide DDT. Look for chlorine-free (or PCF) paper products, including toilet paper, as well as oxygen-bleached coffee filters, as they are bleached with chlorine dioxide (and don’t create nasty dioxin residues).
3. Let go of anti-bacterial: Anti-bacterial soaps and hand products rid of bad and good bacteria. As well when triclosans are mixed with chlorinated tap water, the combination can create chloroform, a carcinogenic gas. Use natural hand and dish soaps that are formulated WITHOUT triclosan, chlorine, or phosphates.
4. Natural cleaners: Try water and basic ingredients: baking soda, distilled white vinegar, lemon juice and tea tree oil. Other essentials oils great for cleaning are lavender, lemon, and peppermint to name a few that can be used diluted for cleaning your home. Essential oils are best in organic form and come directly from the plant source.
5. Stop using pesticides: Studies find that dogs exposed to pesticides and herbicide-treated lawns and gardens can double their chance of developing canine lymphoma and may increase the risk of bladder cancer in certain breeds by four to seven times. Not to mention what it does to humans.
6. Filter your water: There are hundreds of toxins in our water including the run off from pesticide use. Filtering your tap is better than drinking bottled water (plastic factor). Also filtering your shower head can reduce toxins.
7. Rid of artificial air fresheners: We all love a nice smelling home but artificial room deodorizers spew toxic volatile organic compounds (VOCs) into the air you breathe. Exposure to VOCs can cause nausea, headaches, drowsiness, sore throat, dizziness, AND impaired memory. Long-term exposure may even cause cancer. Try essential oils or fresh flowers instead.
8. Steer clear of stain-resistant furniture and clothing: Make sure that any furniture and clothing that you purchase has NOT been treated with stain-resistant chemicals and avoid using a spray-on fabric protector on your upholstery, fabric, or clothing either. Whenever possible, buy natural, organic fiber products as cotton is highly treated with chemicals.
9. Dusting: To clean up dust which can harbor irritants, dust one to two times a week using dry, unscented microfiber cloths, which attract dirty particles instead of scattering them.
10. Other: The practice of Feng Shui, clears and balances the home using the elements in each room (glass, wood, steel, ceramic etc). Smudging has been practiced for centuries by Native Americans and First Nation people. Smudging with white sage is used for blessing and clearing spaces and places.
Reducing our exposure to toxins in a whole / holistic way in our life can assist us to detoxify our lives. Take inventory of your body, mind, spirit, relationships and your home. It’s easiest to start with ridding and replacing one toxic item at a time. I wish you much toxic-free health and happiness.
(If you would like to see an article on a specific topic, please email kelly@indigolounge.ca)