A Various Veins tribute
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By Ross Andrews
Readers of this column know that my wife has been very ill. I have written in praise of the people who came to our home to care for Martha when the disease confined her to bed. She passed away in her sleep on 25 February.
Our five children gave Martha and me immeasurable help all their lives and especially through the final months. So too did their spouses. Our grandchildren have been devoted to both of us. Friends and neighbours have helped us in so many ways.
One of Martha's nephews told me after the funeral service that in a city like Toronto there is no community spirit like the one he saw here on Saturday. I know that spirit extends beyond our village to where ever people know Martha and me and our family.
The women of St. Marys Catholic Church in Tillsonburg knitted a prayer shawl for Martha that Rachel and Jack Parker presented to her. It is a symbol of the caring community. It was ever within Martha's reach to be spread over her shoulders, a community hug.
Once my mother told Martha that she was the one responsible for raising our children. I was too busy with Boy Scouts, Home and School, the Otter Valley Rod & Gun Club, St. John Ambulance, as a stringer for this newspaper, and cramming my head with university courses to give time to the children. I know Mom was right, and the world has benefitted from attitudes their mother inspired in my daughter and her brothers.
For too many years Martha lived, as most wives did half a century ago, in my shadow. She was Mrs. Ross Andrews. I'm not proud to admit I enjoyed having her at my side at head tables and social functions as what we call arm candy. I am proud of the woman she became in her own right.
A couple of weeks ago as we chatted, I said, "I'm not the man you married." She said, "No, you're not."
My attitude changed one night many years ago. Martha disappeared for a while at a dance in Straffordville. I was angry and demanded to know what she'd been doing. When I cooled off, it occurred to me that if I wanted this woman's love and respect I had better try to be the man most fun to be with.
There was no lack of Romeos who would be glad to take my bride. This was the most important insight I have ever had.
Many of my friends came to the visitation at Ostrander's on Friday. I am sorry I was too emotionally upset to be there to thank you for your words of sympathy. Knowing from the comments of my family and from the signatures in the registry that you came warms my heart.
Thank you.